HW 23 - Illness & Dying Book, Part 2

 Tuesdays With Morrie

Mitch Albom 

1997

Doubleday Broadway Publishing Group; Random House Inc.

Precis of The Seventh Tuesday We Talk About the Fear of Aging
Morie no longer had any privacy.  The only things he could really do for himself were to breathe and swallow food. Morie's initial thought was to fight the disease but decided to forget that because he realizes that culture says we're not allowed to be reliant on others.  Morie actually enjoys his dependency because he feels like he's a baby again.  
The topic of the discussion was the fear of aging.  On his way to Morie's house, Mitch observed many billboard ads.  He realized the models were no more than thirty five years old.  Morrie says "All this emphasis on youth, I don't buy it."  Morie believes that the young are miserable as well as unwise.  Morie also says that "if one were to stay at the age of 22, they'd always be as ignorant as they were at twenty-two."  
Morie believes that people have unsatisfied and unfulfilled lives which is why they want to be young again.  Morie envies young people because they can go to the gym and swim and dance.   Morie tells Mitch that he is every age that he has ever been.

Gems of The Seventh Tuesday We Talk About the Fear of Aging
"We all know how to be a child. It's inside all of us. For me, it's just remembering how to enjoy it"(116)
Most people would feel extremely violated if they had someone washing them, feeding them, and wiping their butt. Morrie did at first, but he's realized that we must embrace all age. If we don't love life, we will be unhappy forever.  

"I worked out constantly. Watched what I ate. Checked my hairline in the mirror. I had gone from being proud to say my age- because of all I had done so young- to not bringing it p, for fear I was getting too close to forty and, therefore, professional oblivion.(117)
Mitch is doing the exact opposite of what Morrie is doing/saying. Mitch is trying to hide behind his age, and stay as youthful as possible. He is ashamed to be where he is in life and doesn't embrace a potential receding hairline or the possible belly of a forty year old man.

"The truth is, part of me is every age. I'm a three-year-old, I'm a five-year-old, I'm a thirty-seven-year-old, I'm a fifty-year-old. I've been through all of them, and I know what it's like. I delight in being a child when it's appropriate to be a child. I delight in being a wise old man when it's appropriate to be a wise old man...I am every age, up to my own" (120,121)
Morrie makes a point; we've all been every single age up to the one we are now. So I have been a 1-year-old, I have been a 13-year-old, and I am a 16-year-old. I am every age up to now, this exact moment. With each year, each minute, I learn something new, thus progressing my views on the world and life; increasing my "wiseness". 

 
Response 
I feel as though this chapter was not only about fear of aging, but the act of aging itself. Mitch is more concentrated on the fear, whereas Morrie is more concentrated on embracing aging; as to not be unhappy his entire life.  I don't know who I necessarily agree with more; Mitch feeling that aging is bad, or Morrie, saying that aging is a wonderful experience. I would say that humans are never happy with where they are because something is always going "wrong". People are always saying "I wish I could go back to being 5 years old again. I wish I were in kindergarten again, so I could have nap time...I wish". And then I look back at elementary school and nap time; it was horrible. I was mildly bullied, but never said anything about it. I would get restless during nap time (as would everyone else). People take opportunities, like nap time for example, and completely disregard them. A five year old wants to play during nap time. A teenager wants nap time to be a class. 
We all take life for granted. So I guess I would agree with Morrie; embrace aging, but more importantly, embrace life. Otherwise, opportunities will pass you by, and you'll always have regret. 
  

Quick Thought

This is not a homework assignment

At my internship we have to order food online. I was looking through a menu of a deli and I was shocked. A bottle of water cost more than a bottle of soda. 

Why, I ask, is something that is a necessity to living so expensive? Maybe we can put a price on life.

HW 21b - Comments

Comments I made:
Jasper,
This was a very nice, thoughtful post. I enjoyed how the last paragraph was full of insightful questions that would leave the reader thinking; not only about Erik's death, but of the overall picture of society's way of dealing with illness and dying.

What I think you could improve on is the beauty/grammar. This is just my personal opinion, but I think that grammar can be quite beautiful; adding semi-colons or commas here and there can make a piece look and flow beautifully.

There are a few places where I wanted to sneak in commas and semicolons or switch words around. Here is an example:
"It just seemed so much more peaceful being at home opposed to the hospital which is just doctors in white coats and note pads in an isolated place".
I would have changed that to:
"It just seemed much more peaceful being at home, as opposed to the ___(add adjectives here) hospital; an isolated place full of doctors wearing white coats and carrying note pads.

By changing around words in sentences and adding more punctuation (but not TOO much punctuation), you can create a beautifully flowing piece that will hit the reader even harder than it already did.

Sophia,
I really enjoyed your post, I went into this assignment thinking that I would be commenting on beauty, but I found that this was easy to read and had some nice descriptions here and there.
I really liked your ending and it reminded me of the book, Looking For Alaska by John Green (as you know, one of the best teen novels ever written).

One thing you could change is your connection to your experience and Beth's experience. I liked the connection that you made, but both paragraphs are about hospice care. With such a long list of 9 different insights, I feel like you could have related to at least one more.
I would like to say that I've caught some grammar errors here and there, but I know that some of my posts have grammatical errors too, and there were only a few so I don't think it's too big of a deal.


Comments on my Blog:
Sophia:
I thought the best part of your post was the 2nd paragraph, where you were talking about your grandmother. I liked this because it was your own personal experience, and you told the story well - it was very detailed. I also liked this line (shows insight):

"But when I felt respect or any sort of sorrow for her or her family, I asked myself why I felt so bad. I realized that it has to do with the way that I've been taught to see death."

Dad:
You have some very insightful comments about healthcare based on Beth’s talk. You have established 3 clear areas of focus; advocacy, insurance and emotions centering on death. Over all, you have good content and perspective. My only comment is perhaps the structure could be a little more organized. For example, when you come back to insurance in the third paragraph, it felt a little awkward and felt like it needed a better transition. I also thought the last sentence in your first paragraph is very powerful. It would also have worked as a closing;“Beth left us with her personal insights into death and dying. She does not want to die in a hospital; she believes that life is connected to energy, yet is still afraid of death. And left me personally with these words ringing in my ear, "The only way to not be hurt by death is to die first"

Zoe (9th Grader):
i agree with Sophia the way you made it more real by adding something personal also the line "Beth was making Erik's death into a celebration of life" really stood out to me
  
Jasper:
Elizabeth,

Niiiiiiice. It was beautifully written. You did really well analyzing the insights Beth gave us on a deeper level. I thought it was good that you connected back to your own experiences in the second paragraph. My favorite part of your post was "And left me personally with these words ringing in my ear, "The only way to not be hurt by death is to die first"." I thought this was written beautifully and it is a strong statement that also stuck with me.  

HW 22 - Illness & Dying Book Part 1

 Tuesdays With Morrie

Mitch Albom 

1997

Doubleday Broadway Publishing Group; Random House Inc.

Precis of The Audiovisual
Morrie would write philosophies about life. An article titled "A Professor's Final Course: His Own Death" was published in The Boston Globe about Morrie's mini-philosophies. A producer on Nightline brought the article to Koppel, who immediately decided to do a special on Morrie. When Ted arrived at Morrie's house, Morrie asked him personal questions in private in order to understand what kind of person Ted was. Morrie believed that death should not be embarrassing and would not allow anyone to pamper him. On the show, Morrie explained that he sometimes felt sorry for himself and sometimes he's angry, but then he remembers that he just wants to live. When Albom saw the show, he was shocked. 

Gems of The Audiovisual
"Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it"(18). 
"Because Morrie sat in the wheelchair, the camera never caught his withered legs" (21).
"He showed great passion when explaining how you face the end of life" (21).
"When all this started, I asked myself, 'Am I going to withdraw myself from the world, like most people do, or am I going to live?' I decided I am going to live- or at least try to live- the way I want, with dignity, with courage, with humor, with composure"(21). 
 
Response
I tried looking up the original article that was written about Morrie in the Boston Globe. Unfortunately, it's an article that requires an "archive fee". I would have liked to have gotten a more direct understanding of Morrie's values through Morrie's own words, but I think that Mitch does him justice. I enjoy the way that Mitch portrays Morrie; lively though dying. I think that this is one of the main points of this book; you live until you die, and whatever you do in between is up to you.

HW 21 - Expert #1, Beth Bernett

When Beth Bernett came in to talk to our class she opened up her heart to share with us an experience.The experience was about the illness and death of her husband, Erik Wood. He was diagnosed with advanced metastatic kidney cancer.With the sharing of the story, Beth gave the class some very powerful insights into her personal experience with illness and dying. An experience she briefly touched upon was getting healthcare/insurance. They didn't have healthcare so they applied for government subsidised insurance. It took them 11 months to get onto a plan. This was due to lies and confusion. This gave us a view into the government's effect on illness. As a piece of advice to the class she told us to "advocate for yourself" because there are so many people moving around and working in a hospital, that if you don't say something, no one will. Another thing she said was that hospitals and institutions are in place to keep "death and dying removed, sanitized". This related to hospice care and why they decided to do a "home hospice"; they wanted to keep him close and be a part of the remainder of his life. An encounter that she talked about was a Buddhist monk whom she contacted to ask about Erik's illness. He predicted many things that happened to Erik.
Beth left us with her personal insights into death and dying. She does not want to die in a hospital; she believes that life is connected to energy, yet is still afraid of death. And left me personally with these words ringing in my ear, "The only way to not be hurt by death is to die first".

Beth told us that it was important to advocate for yourself. I find this to be true due to personal experience. My grandma Eleanor passed away in 2007. The first time she was admitted to the hospital was when she fell down and broke her hip. She went to the hospital got surgery, and was then sent to rehab. What the doctors didn't know was that the surgery didn't fix the problem. While in rehabilitation, she complained to my dad that she was still in pain. My dad went to the doctors and told them that she was still in pain and couldn't do the rehab because the surgery wasn't done correctly in the first place. So she went back to the hospital and had the surgery redone. That time, they did do it correctly. If my father hadn't been the advocate for my grandma, more complications could have come about. Actually, even though he was there to advocate, it was discovered that she was beginning to get bed sores, when blood clots in a specific area, a result from not being moved enough-causing less circulation in different areas.

Generally, if you have a corporate job, you have health insurance. For the Wood family, they didn't have health insurance and had to apply for government coverage. For my family, health insurance wasn't too much of a problem up until about half a year ago. That was when my mom got laid-off. When someone gets laid-off by a company, their health insurance goes onto something called COBRA (Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act). To make it simple; we get 15 months of subsidized health insurance (making relatively small payments monthly) and then the rates sky-rocket for the next three months (adding up to the 18 months that COBRA covers). After that we have to find a new health-insurance plan that we pay for completely out of pocket.

When Beth spoke, many questions popped into my mind. Some that I jotted down were, Does the government make an effort to make life essentially "easier" for us? Why fight if you know you are going to die? and the final question i wrote was, What are the flaws in the U.S. health care system, and how will that effect my generation? Overall, my main thoughts were those of respect; respect for Beth to be able to come to a group of strangers and talk about such a sensitive subject. But when I felt respect or any sort of sorrow for her or her family, I asked myself why I felt so bad. I realized that it has to do with the way that I've been taught to see death. Beth was making Erik's death into a celebration of life and was not here to tell her story to gain a (excuse my cliched rhyme) pity committee. So I thank Beth, for telling her story, and opening my eyes to my own views on illness and dying.

HW 19 - Family Perspectives on Illness & Dying

When I was younger, I absolutely loved being sick. My dad would stay at home with me and I was allowed to watch TV while lying on the sofa. I was allowed to have ginger ale and lots of buttered toast. He would make me stay in bed or on the sofa; but would tell me to switch halfway through the day so I would get some movement. For this assignment, I asked my dad how his parents took care of him when he was sick. "The first thing she'd do was take my temperature". He also said that after his mom took his temperature, if he had a fever, he would go immediately to bed and his mom would call the doctor. I found this peculiar because it's a very similar system to how he treats me. We don't immediately take my temperature, the first thing I do is lie down in bed; then he calls the doctor. My dad said that usually the doctor will say something along the lines of, "Well those symptoms fall under ____. It seems that _____ seems to be going around lately. I suggest ____ medicine. There's no need to come into the office". He would then run out to the drug store, pick up ____ medicine, and I would take it.

While there is a correlation between the way he was brought up and the way I'm being brought up, I wanted to know if he  carried these habits personally. I asked him what he did when he was sick or feeling under the weather. "The first thing I do is rest. I don't want to jump to any conclusions about what is ailing me". So I asked him how long he would rest until he did something. "If I've been taking it easy for a day, and I still feel sick then I'll call the doctor to tell them my symptoms and if they tell me I need a certain medication I will probably take it". I found it interesting that he didn't call the doctor right away. When he was younger, as soon as there was a problem, the doctor was called. When I was younger, as soon as there was a problem, the doctor was called. But for my dad, when there's a problem he doesn't do anything until it gets worse. I think this is a strange strategy; to call the doctor for me and not for himself, I personally believe that if you have the best interest in mind for another person, you would care for them as you do yourself.

The pediatrician my parents chose for me was not an "average" doctor at the time. His practice isn't necessarily a mix between allopathic and homeopathic medicines, but I would not consider him an allopathic doctor. To sum up his philosophy; symptoms like coughing and fever are the body's way of fighting off illness; his objective is not to cause any harm only to cure. Some allopathic vaccinations and medicines cause symptoms that may not harm the body but can cause stress on different systems. His belief is that there needs to be a balance between caring for and monitoring your body, and when needed, medicate. My parents haven't really followed this philosophy when caring for me, because I used to take medicine whenever I was sick. I personally dislike medicine and only take it when a symptom becomes unbearable or an extreme nuisance.
I respect the decisions that my parents have made about taking care of me, and it's interesting to know where my dad got his habits from. If i ever do have children in the future, I think I would use similar methods to the ones my parents use when I'm sick; just maybe using a little less cough syrup.

HW 18 - Health & Illness & Feasting

Each year I have two Thanksgivings. One here, in the city, and the other in New Jersey. My parents and I started off our day with my great aunt. She lives just a few blocks away and is one of the few relatives left on my dad's side. Whenever we eat with her we never cook; it's always order in. We usually order from a diner and have it delivered to her apartment. With my great aunt, we don't really "feast". She doesn't have too much of an appetite so we usually don't get too much food. My dad and I shared a spinach pie; my mom had half a burger; and my aunt had leftover salad and some home-made yellow split pea soup that we brought over with us. There wasn't much conversation during our meal; Nan (my great aunt) is 97 and has bad short-term memory so the conversation was basically, "Are you going to see Bunny (my grandma) after this?" My mom would reply, "Yes, we're going to pick her up and go to my sister's house for dinner". This conversation repeated itself probably 3 times within the 30 minutes we ate our food in. Our meal was relatively rushed; our focus was to get the food into our bodies; not really even to enjoy it.

The Thanksgiving lunch we used to have with Nan was much more lively. My great uncle; who was mentioned in my HW 17 post, passed away in 2004, leaving Nan very alone [because they never had any children]. In 2007, Nan's last sister, my grandma Eleanor, died from complications of colon cancer and a dislocated hip. The only blood relatives my aunt has left are my dad, his brother, and me. Thanksgiving lunch used to be much more "extravagant" (though we still ordered out). We would actually set the table and sit in the den and talk before our feast. As there are less people for her to be thankful for; her meals become less "enjoyable".

The meal we have with my mom's side of the family is much more of a traditional Thanksgiving. When my grandpa was still around we had dinner at my grandparent's house. But in 2008, my grandma was recovering from surgery at a rehabilitation center over Thanksgiving. I don't remember much about it, I think that we stopped at a deli on the way over and picked up sandwiches. My grandma's illness effected our regular Thanksgiving routine. Instead of having a turkey dinner in a home we ate sandwiches in an unfamiliar place.
But for the past two Thanksgivings, we have spent our time at my aunt Joanne's house. This year she got an organic turkey; as requested by my cousin, Jeremy. For sides she made mashed sweet potato and butternut squash, yellow and green beans, brussel sprouts, cranberry sauce, mushroom barley soup, vegetarian stuffing and meat stuffing. I don't think that my family really cares about the "giving thanks" aspect of Thanksgiving. We attempted to have a toast; someone said something along the lines of, "I am thankful to have all of us together as a family"; and then we drank the artificially flavored sparkling pear cider.
My two cousins, Jeremy and Daniel, are known very well in our family for their eating habits. I think Daniel reffered to Jeremy as "the beast" at one point or another. Daniel and his wife had already had Thanksgiving dinner with her parents, so they just tried the stuffing. Jeremy on the other hand kept going. I don't know how many servings of Turkey he had, but everyone at the table was done eating and he was still going. When he was finally done he did some stretching and rubbed his belly. Everything that my aunt made was delicious; people wanted to keep eating but they just didn't have room for anything else. Food pleasure wasn't the main attraction of this meal though; there was a lot of conversation and rarely a moment of silence. If people weren't stuffing their mouths they were talking, and sometimes, they attempted to do both.
We did watch the football game after dessert (pumpkin bread and fresh fruit crumble). Only a few people were really into the game though. Some of us looked through old photo albums and talked about late family members. My family's Thanksgiving isn't necessarily based on thanks nor the pleasure of food. It's more based on simply being with family.