HW 59 - SOF Prom 2011 & DSPs

I did not attend last night's prom or after party. Actually, I was quite tired and went to sleep around 7pm. I woke up in the middle of the night (around 4am) and my computer was still on. I went over to turn it off and noticed I was logged into my facebook account. I refreshed the page and saw that someone had already posted a picture from after-prom. The caption was "Afterprom bitchezzzzz". And then I turned off my computer and went back to sleep. 


Earlier today I was at my friend's house and one of the first things she did when we got there was turn on her computer and look at prom pictures. I found myself making conversation by commenting on dresses I liked or pictures we thought were funny. My friend skipped over a picture and I did a double take, telling her to go back a page. It was of a female senior who dresses pretty masculine every day. She looked completely different. She had her hair and makeup done, she was wearing pumps and a bright blue dress with a poofy skirt bottom. At first I was happy-she looked great- but then I got to thinking about identity. The girl I saw in those prom pictures was totally different from the girl I was used to seeing every day at school. With that said, it was her choice whether or not to dress that way. 


I'll probably go to prom next year. I don't plan on skipping school simply to pamper myself hours in advance. I really wont know until next year though. 

HW 58 - Prom Interviews

For this assignment, I had four interviewees; E, a current senior, B also a current senior, my mom and my dad. E has never been to prom, but she plans for going soon.  We talked about prom clothing and who she was going with amongst other things. Our conversation started to have more meaning when I asked her why she was going to prom, "I guess it's a right of passage thing. Also you see all of the people you've spent the last four years with get dressed up, it's just fun". We also talked about kids who are in different friend groups, "There aren't really cliques, just groups of friends, and it's that night the kids you don't talk to that often might like open up". I thought this was an interesting point. Essentially, what E was saying, was that prom helps kids who are shy become more comfortable with themselves. Now, whether this is true or not, I don't know, but it's a nice way to think about prom.

The next person I talked to, B, has been to one prom and is planning on going this year as well. She said that her first time at prom wasn't as magical as she thought it was going to be. Her night ended pretty early because her date got sick. Something that particularly frustrated her was the amount of money she had spent on her outfit for the night. She hasn't worn the dress again, and spent a lot on it. I told her that her night sounded like she had the worst night ever, but she said that she did have some fun. I said that I hoped that everyone would have a fun time at this year's prom, and she said that she felt the same. 

My mother never went to prom, so I asked her what variables came to play in that decision. "I was quiet, I didn't have a boyfriend. I was asked, but I was angry because I knew he had asked out about three girls before me". My mother said this with a slight look of disgust. She also said that she didn't really see the point in going. I asked her if it had anything to do with the lack of a date or boyfriend. "Not really, it didn't really matter much to me. I was curious, but I wasn't really interested in having a boyfriend". I pictured my mother sitting in the quiet house on prom night. Her brother was probably off with his friends somewhere and her sister was probably at college.  I wondered if she felt at all left out, "I guess afterwards I did a little". She said that her friends all went, with dates, and her best friend encouraged her to go with the guy who had asked her. Overall, I felt that her simple reason, "I didn't see the point" was a fair argument- why do something you don't want to do?

My dad used to have a band by the name of Whirling Dervish. According  to my father, his band had groupies, which is hard for me to believe,  but he apparently went to prom with one of them. About a week ago, I was  going through old photos, and came across of some old late 60s and  early 70s shots of my dad. One of which he was preforming with Whirling  Dervish, and another at his prom. I laughed when I saw his prom outfit.  It was like a tux from a bad 70s prom movie. The dress shirt had some  extreme ruffles on the front, he had a powder blue tux on and a nice bow  tie to tie the whole look together. I thought to myself, is this really formal?  From my perspective I thought that prom was all about being formal and  grown up, but the only situation I can think of where wearing a powdered  blue suit and a ruffled shirt is acceptable would be at prom, and  generally worn by "the funny guy". 

Though  it may seem that prom has changed over the years, I found through my  interviews that is isn't necessarily so for every aspect of prom. While  it might be more acceptable now to go to prom without a date, both girls  from my generation have dates to prom. People still dress in formal  attire, kids still drink and party before and after prom. In contrast, I  think that the perspective on prom has changed a lot. My mom was more  focused on the fact that she wasn't really interested in boys- almost as  if going to prom revolved around having a romantic interest. In  contrast, E said that prom was all about seeing everyone looking  different and having fun together. After these interviews, my  perspective on prom hasn't changed much. I think it's a bit silly to pay  so much money to have fun with classmates, but at the same time I'd  like to go to my own prom next year, merely for the experience. As I see  it, prom is now a part of American culture, so why not experience  something that is essentially a part of my culture?

HW 57 - Initial Thoughts on Prom

I've never been to a prom, but I almost went to one this year. My mom's friend has two sons, and one of them got rejected by 3 girls to prom, so my mom asked me if I would go with him. I cringed at the thought. He's not mean, nor ugly, but we're not close friends. Not to mention the fact that my mom had just technically asked me to go to prom. But I also didn't want the embarrassment of walking into a room full of strangers, who all know one another and have set cliques.I didn't want to be an outsider. But at the same time, I didn't want to be the fourth girl to turn this poor guy down. Luckily for me, he got asked by a girl about a week later. 

This situation made me think a lot about prom stereotypes. There's the loser guy who can't get a date, the pretty, smart, nice girl who is clearly going to win prom queen, there are the girls who turn down the loser guy because they want someone more popular to ask them, and the couple that has been going out for over a year. The list could go on for quite some time, but those are the first few that popped up in my head. This relates back to the video trailer we saw for the new Disney movie, "Prom". The trailer focuses on some of the main stereotypes- The pretty girl, the bad boy, the nerdy guy, and the couple. I found the trailer to be marketed to the female population- the majority of the girls in the class laughed at all of the right parts and most of the guys just stared at the screen, relatively emotionless. There are definitely gender roles portrayed through prom in different ways, but each way is ritual. Girls wear dresses, boys wear suits. Boys get the girl a corsage, and generally pick them up. Girls pamper themselves earlier in the day, getting their nails and hair done.

There are many different rituals to explore in relation to prom, and not all of them relate to gender, but it's one of the clearer aspects of prom that sticks out to me.

Questions I'd like to explore:

- Why did prom originate/what was the purpose?

- How much money is grossed by the prom industry (dresses, limos, event spaces)?

- Why do people choose to not go to prom?

- How has prom changed over time?
- What are the gender roles that are played out during prom?

HW 56 - Culminating Project Comments

Comments I made:
John: 
When you told me that you were going to a stranger’s funeral, I was a little skeptical. The idea seemed cool, but ultimately I thought you’d get caught or something. I think your experience was unique and that your observations/thoughts were interesting (the part about being sorry).
While I enjoyed your ending, I felt that your post was incomplete in some ways, and that certain thoughts went unfinished. I think you could have touched more on lying to this woman- why is it so unacceptable for you to be at a stranger’s funeral? If you were to say “I didn’t know him well, but I’ve heard he was a great guy”, where do you think the conversation would have went etc? Good ideas, good post.
Lucas:
Lucas, you are an amazing writer. Your post was fun to read, and I enjoyed your little note at the end.
I would have liked to see the video, and read about something you learned about care of the dead, not necessarily life skills, but your clever wording turned your learned skills into a project.
I'm kind of at a loss for words, I don't really know what other feedback to give you.

Comments on my blog:
Kady:
I really enjoyed reading your post. It was both personal and informative. The interview was the most interesting part. I do always wonder how accurate those crime shows are. I noticed that you started questioning if the police should be fighting crime instead of waiting outside the homes of the recently deceased, but you never answered your own question. I would have been very interested to read the information you would have found on the ethics on the job of a police officer.
Dad:
So the old man across the hall dies. I guess the possibility that foul play may or may not have been the cause of his demise would have made for some great Law and Order episode. But it appears that you discovered that sometimes life and death is just well, kind of boring.
Interesting how Stacey from Criminal Minds points out that they sometimes show you a, then c while skipping b even if it makes for an inaccurate timeline because people would get bored. I was surprised to learn that sometimes the real dead body is not as gross as what’s on the show. I guess entertainment is entertainment and holding the interest of the audience is number one. But it sounds like even though there’s a responsibility to advertisers to bring in viewers, there’s at least a desire to get it right. I would have liked to have gotten some insight into the operations of another television show regarding the dead to see how their approach measures up against Criminal Minds.

Extra Credit - 2 Harold and Maude

Though this assignment is to focus on the theme of funerals and death in Harold & Maude, I'd like to say that I thought that was not the main concentration of the movie. In fact, I felt that the movie was much about living rather than the care of the dead. It challenges many social practices, but the message that I received was that humans are controlled by religion, politics, and theory. This idea became completed when there was a sequence of clips- Harold's uncle with Nixon in the background, his psychiatrist with Freud in the background, and a priest, with the pope in the background. They expressed each of the topics- Nixon represented politics, Freud represented theory, and the pope represented religion. 

Another way control is expressed is through Harold's mother. I considered her to represent society. Firstly she was selfish- saying things like "I don't know how much longer I can take this" and filling out Harold's survey with her own opinions. Secondly, she wanted the "picture" to be perfect- this was shown when she decided that Harold needed to find a wife. 

The funeral and death sections are mainly show in the beginning of the film, but parts can be spotted through out the rest of the film. The funerals are shown as dull, sad times, with Maude, the little bit of light smiling in the background. There are lots of religious aspects related to the care of the dead in this movie, many of the gravestones had crosses on them, and Maude stole a priest's car. Originally, Harold was more about the death than anything, but Maude changed his perspective. She focused more on how to live life fully. 

Harold and Maude was a great movie, but I felt like it would have been better for the illness and dying unit than the care of the dead unit, because the only time the audience is shown a main character being cared for is Maude. 

HW 55 - Culminating Project - Care of the Dead

A few weeks ago, the old man who lived across the hall from me died. He lived alone, so no one heard the thud his body made when he landed on the floor. His daily New York Times had been sitting on his door mat for a few hours, when the neighbors started to worry. I came home around 6, only to find two police officers sitting outside his door. When the old man didn't answer the door, the police had broken the lock, and now, they had to wait for someone to collect the body and put green tape paper signs over the locks. I thought about the old man's still, lifeless body and that I didn't even know his first name. But then I got curious. Why are there two police officers sitting outside this door instead of "fighting crime in the streets? Is it technically a crime scene until a cause of death has been determined? Is that why they're sitting outside the apartment? 

That same night, I was pretty bored, so i started flipping channels and came across Law and Order. The detectives were at a crime scene where an old woman was found dead in her apartment. The people who were going over the body had gloves on, and a tool bag and were kind of probing her, but the detectives were walking around looking at different parts of the apartment and touching things. I thought to myself- are they going to do that to the man's apartment? Are they going to probe his body and possessions?

I decided to do a little background research on these shows. A lot of the negative focus was on the inaccurate portrayal of data. In real life, testing of bodily fluids can take up to three weeks, depending on the amount of cases a lab needs to process. But in contrast, I discovered that a lot of these shows have a people on staff who act as fact-checkers and verifiers.

To further my knowledge on how these shows portray the dead, I got in contact with Stacey Beneville, who is a first assistant director on the show "Criminal Minds". Our conversation was relatively short, but I learned a lot from our discussion. I started off asking her about the accuracy of the show, I told her that I had read online that a lot of shows have really inaccurate time-lines. Stacey said that "We figure out what all of the real steps might be, but sometimes there's a, b, and c. But if we showed a, b, and c, people would get bored, so to speed things up, we might only show steps a and c". With that said though, a lot of research goes into making things on the show accurate. There is an FBI tech analyst on staff, as well as a researcher, but the research doesn't stop with them. "We do a lot of that here. We make sure we know what the cops look like for each area we film in, we want things to look as realistic as possible". To move our conversation back to care of the dead, I asked her if she thought that the dead bodies they have on the show were over-dramatized. "If anything, it's the opposite". I was confused. "We've seen some real dead bodies, we've been to the New York City morgue". She then went on to talk about the different types of dead bodies there are. If someone on the show has just died, pretty much all they need is some fake blood. But let's say a body was drowned, that takes a little more work, "Sometimes the bodies who have drowned or decayed in real life are actually less graphic than the bodies we have on the show". There are a few reasons behind that; one being that there are certain things that can't be shown on public television, the second being that they simply don't want to gross out the audience. 


This project gave me a lot of information to process. I went in thinking that crime shows were completely and totally inaccurate representations. But one thing Stacey said to me really stuck in my mind, "We don't want to contaminate our own crime scene". It showed me that she truly cared about getting accurate information, and while timelines may be sped up, and bodies may be grossed down, not everything is completely and totally off. I will however keep in mind that Criminal Minds is more about the psychology of killing than the actual care of corpses. Overall, I thought that my interview with Stacey was a surprising one, but it didn't really change my perspective on the accuracy of these shows. 

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1930/the_difference_between_tv_forensics_pg2.html?cat=17

http://sixestate.com/fact-checking-before-and-after-the-internet/

HW 54 - Independent Research B

When I was about four or five years old, my parents enrolled me in the NYSEC’s (New York Society for Ethical Culture) Sunday school program. The program focused on the question, “what is the right thing to do?”. Throughout the 8 or so years I spent in the program, I had a multitude of teachers/mentors. In the program when someone turns 13, they end the youth program and join the teen leadership program. The current teacher for both of these classes is a woman named Rita. Rita was my Sunday school teacher for  2 or 3 years, and I’ve been in the teen program since 2008ish. I chose to interview Rita because I’ve learned a lot from her, and she is definitely a person I’d look to for guidance.  We didn’t talk about a text, but during a recent meeting, we read the book, “How Full is your Bucket?”. There are two versions of the book- an adult book, and a children’s picture book. We opted for the picture book.

The book follows a little boy who is mean to his little sister, so his grandpa tells him that everyone has a little bucket over their heads that empties a little every time they feel let down. The next day at school, bad things keep happening to him and his bucket is nearly empty. During recess he visualizes everyone with their bucket, getting fuller because they're playing and having fun. Throughout the afternoon, his bucket gets fuller, because people do nice things for him because he's feeling glum. When he gets home, he decides to play with his little sister, because he is so happy, and so her bucket can be full. I think that the morals around this story are interesting. The concept being taught to children is similar to the concept of karma (what goes around comes around, good or bad).


On the phone with Rita, we talked a lot about her personal feelings surrounding the dead. Most of what we talked about was on spirituality. She focused on a recent death of her friend Chris. He was married to her friend and they had a girl. Chris died due to cancer a few months ago, leaving his wife and five year old daughter behind. She said that recent events led her to believe that spirits do live on and effect the lives of people who they touched while alive.


The first strange event was when some adults were asking the five year old daughter if she understood what happened to her daddy. She said that he was at peace and was with Caroline now. This was strange because no one in the family ever talked about Caroline, who was Chris' mother. The next thing was that he lost his wedding ring a few months before his death, and once he did pass away, his wife was "really sad and depressed. She said 'Chris, I just need you to give me some sign that you are taking care of things- that i'm not alone'. She was angry that her dead husband left her with a mess". Right then, her nephew came out of her parent's bedroom and said that he had found the ring. The peculiar part though was that it was stuck between two mattresses- a strange place for the nephew to find it.

The last thing, that has really made Rita think more about spirits carrying on in the world, was a phone call. Chris' wife was sitting in her car, crying, when her phone started to ring. The caller ID was Chris. She picked up, somewhat angry, and asked why this person was calling her. The man on the other end said that she had in fact called him- which was not true. They had a little bit of a conversation and she explained to him what had happened, and he actually ended up living in their old neighborhood. This might not have had and extreme message or effect on Chris' wife, but it's just a really strange thing to happen. "He left in such an unfinished way, so young, his spirit...who knows...I'm open to the idea of spirits living on".  

HW 53 - Independent Research A

In Her Childhood Dream, a Funeral Home Was the Destination - Tim Stelloh 
Lisa S. Dozier saw her great uncle's dead body when she was seven. This event set the path for the rest of her life because she wanted to make dead people look as peaceful as he did. She now runs her own funeral home, which is unique because she works in a male dominant industry. Women are quickly beginning to merge themselves into the funeral industry. Her parents never took her want to work with the dead seriously until she graduated college and began working as an apprentice. Though working in the industry brings questions from many people, her work is important because a woman knows specific things that a man might not. In order for her to graduate from school, she needed an apprenticeship which is hard for women to find in the industry. She found one while on a bus, and now drives hearses sometimes, which catches people's eyes. 

Daily Life in the Business of Death - Stella Kramer
Scott Palmer grew up with his family's funeral home business. Palmer decided not to join the family business when he got older, but he did a photo project titled "Raised by the Dead". He did the project because people are uncomfortable with the subject of funerals. The photo series is expressed with no emotion- in order to show fact. Many people are shocked when they see the photos, but soon become curious. Much of society is appalled yet secretly attracted to death, and tries to avoid dealing with it as much as possible. Palmer's project allowed him to get closer to his family.

These articles were relatively different. The first one discussed the difficulty for a woman to work in the funeral industry, and the second focused on the uncomfortable aspect of the care of the dead. They both discussed really interesting aspects for this unit, but I think the focus lies mainly on the emotional difficulty that people have when caring for the dead.

I did my interview with my friend Sophia at Riverdale Funeral Home. We spoke to Jim, the office manager. He takes care of family needs and has to think logically as well as realistically to help families get what they want. Riverdale Funeral Home is a family-owned operation, which creates a sense of warmth, and sometimes their clients know someone in the family which can provide more comfort for the family. He said that a lot of families opt for cremation, but that when there is a body burial, the home requires embalming. But touching on a more personal note, he said that he has to separate his emotions for different places. He compared his work experience as an English teacher to his current job; while he's comfortable with his co-workers, he needs to suppress certain emotions at work. At home, same thing, just different things need to be suppressed. Overall to me, Jim seems to handle himself pretty well at work, and I hope that the same goes for at home.

HW 49 - Comments on Best of Your Break HW

Comments I made:

John: 
I thought that you discussed some really interesting and strong points in this assignment. If I were to take a guess, I’d say that religion/spirituality has an extreme effect on care of the dead. I thought it peculiar (in a good way) that you focused more on the emotions associated with belief systems and death, but that it did stray away from this unit (it ties a lot into illness and dying but not so much care of the dead).
My favorite line from this post was probably, “This black void the non religious pool”. I personally found it a beautiful line to read. But, your strongest paragraph was your conclusion. I think that connecting what you learned from your peers to your personal beliefs was a really good way to end the post.
There were just a few grammar/spelling mistakes which made some parts strange to read, but overall, really good analysis.

Lucas:

I liked that your intro paragraph told the reader what to expect to learn from the post. I thought that all of the ideas flowed really well.
I did think that you could have pulled some more powerful insights from your interviews but adding some analysis and your own personal preference.
One part I think you could have elaborated more on was "it seems more natural to honor and remember the deceased as they lived". I personally thought that this was an interesting way to see death, and that you could have analyzed it deeper.
Overall your post was really good though.


Comments on my Blog:  
Lucas:

While I'm sure that the interviews were interesting at the time, I don't really feel like either you or I learned very much from them. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes the best texts are ones that don't tell you something new, but organize concepts you were already familiar with in ways that you were not able to before. I enjoy reading books that are set up like this because they help me flesh out my own thoughts.


Your paragraph on emotion was a good start in asking pertinent questions, the topic of emotion related to death is definitely worth writing about in a later paper/project. I think we are all subconsciously afraid of death, as you said. I think this is because biologically we are driven to avoid death throughout our lives; by eating, drinking, reproducing and so on. What good would your body be if it didn't strive to stave off death at every opportunity? If only my super was as vigilant with water leaks as the human body is with disease -__- 

Dad:
You mention that the general consensus seemed to be that people wanted to be cremated, even your friend who had a spot waiting for her in a family plot, preferring the “back to nature-y and freeing option”. I feel the same way, opting for cremation. That “freeing option” is coming to terms with the finality of life as we know it. They are one with nature, as opposed to the hope some people have via cryogenics, that there’s always that outside chance that somehow life can be prolonged or regenerated.

H didn’t want people to cry. You wondered whether there was some sort of subconscious fear of death. I don’t think it’s fear. I think and agree as you point out it is the idea that you will never interact with that person ever again.  

John:
Your final paragraph was very strong; I liked your inquiry on crying, something that seems obvious because we encounter it all the time yet I’ve never put much thought into why. A question that probably can’t be answered by us, but it still is important to ask those questions. Questions we may never find the answers to but appreciate that we don’t have an answer, rather than make up our own dumb answer or excuse and pretend we know something we definitely do not.
Your interviewees didn’t seem to help much besides developing that one strong inquiry you had. This might be for a number of reasons, one being those you interviewed like many don’t know too much on how they view death, another might be just that you have dull interviewees, but what do I know.
Another strong post,
john