HW 28 - Comments 2

Comments I made:
Sophia: Did not do Homework 27 
Jasper: Did not do Homework 27

Bianca:
I think that in this post, you provided great depth of thought. You showed this throughout the entire passage and thought that the beginning of this line was your most beautiful of all, "I saw the sickness of a frail women, the lack of personal items such as flowers, paintings, and get well cards in her room, the lack of windows, and the abundance of pitiful smiles from nurses and people alike". While this was your most beautiful line, I think that you could have talked even more about the separation between the observer and the observed.

I realize that you did do this with relating back to Beth and Erik, but I do think you could have elaborated a little more personally (emphasis on the personal). You did do this at one point, "One can assume correctly that I never found out what she was thinking so, my thoughts wandered onto the next thing", but that line is talking about someone else. If I were you, to make the story flow more easily, I would have changed that to "There was no way for me to be sure of what she was thinking, so my thoughts wandered on to the next thing". This is YOUR story, it should be from your point of view; I felt that that line pulled the reader out of your shoes; it was a disconnect.

I think that your post was well-thought-out, and definitely went into a deep level of understanding. Great Job!

Young Seo:
Hey Young Seo,

I noticed that you only had one comment, and neither of my partners did their assignment, so I'm commenting in yours.

I thought the opening to this post was funny, in a good way. Another thing that you did was connecting your experience to society's beliefs in Korea, "In Korea, usually girls don't hug boys to greet except boyfriend". It gave an outsider (like me, and American) deeper insight into your thought process and reasoning. Overall, you made this post meaningful and personal.
One thing you could change is making the post flow a little better. It was nice that you decided to talk about your grandma, but I feel like it took away from what you were saying about your cousin. 

Comments on my Blog:
Sophia:
I thought the best part of your post was the first paragraph - there was a lot of detail and depth to it. I also liked how you told part of the story, and then reflected on it, and then told the rest, and then reflected on it again.

I identified with the idea about people needing something to do. It reminded me of my grandfather, who has heart problems (so he can't do much without getting tired), but still tries to do things for himself.

This also goes back to the part in Tuesdays With Morrie, when Morrie decides that he doesn't want to feel bad that he needs help doing simple everyday tasks. He viewed it as a good thing, whereas most people are different - they like to be able to take care of themselves.

Jasper:
The part I liked best from your post was: "I could have been sledding, building a snowman, or going for a walk in the snow. I thought about what she could have been doing at that moment. She could have been reading her newspaper...oh wait but that wasn't delivered due to the snow. Well she could have been watching the news...oh wait, she did that already today. Well she could go through old items in the storage room; oh wait, that's downstairs." By comparing the endless possibilities of things you could do, to the options that she had really was very powerful to me. It was powerful because it shows the drastic difference and made me think that people probably get very sad with a lack of activities as they get older and it gets harder to move around.

Zoe(9th Grader):
i like the way you opened this, your writing style is very good. i also like the part when you said "I thought about one of the big ideas of Tuesdays With Morrie; Morrie had a hard time 'letting go'" because it gave me more of an insight in to what you were thinking wile writing this

Dad:
I liked your reference to Tuesdays With Morrie, specifically the reference to “letting go”. The individual Elizabeth is referring to used to be a “get up and go” type, unafraid to face any challenge, trying to motivate others to do the same. Since I know who Elizabeth is talking about I can see she’s paid a lot of attention to small details. But I think the one thing I’ve noticed she could elaborate on is the challenge that’s involved with getting up and down those stairs; how she has to walk sideways holding on to the handrail one step at a time to navigate each and every step; how the wrought iron metal rail wobbles a bit, sometimes making her nervous. If no one is there and she falls? What then? That to me is when she seems most challenged, most afraid that something might happen.

Beatrice:
I liked how you made your post into a narrative one. Like Jasper, I agree that your post was more powerful by comparing the amount of activities you could've done as opposed to the limited few of the protagonist in your post. The old person you wrote about is similar to ones many people know (stubborn when offered assistance). Finally I admired your connection to your reading book.