When interviewing some friends about the current unit "Care of the Dead", I found that there was a general sense of uncomfortableness. One of my friends, S, said, "This topic is weird". Maybe I didn't approach the conversation correctly; simply asking "Can I interview you?", without telling them what our conversation would be about. Nonetheless I learned some interesting things about some of my friends. S, a longtime friend, actually already has an after death plan, "I already have a plot with my family in a cemetery". Later in our conversation she mentioned that she has thought about cremation though, and would want her ashes spread out. I asked her why, "No real reason, but it seems like the most loving and back to nature-y and freeing option I guess". Actually, the consistent answer amongst my interviewees was that they wanted to be cremated. H and SM thought that the idea of their remains sitting in a box underground was creepy. H went on to say that she would want her friends and family to gather at some point after her death and just talk, "When my uncle died, my whole family needed to just let it out. It's important because a lot of people are isolated, and grief is often better expressed in groups of people. Gathering helps to relieve stress or anger or whatever a person may be feeling, because they have a chance to let it all out".
Another interesting thing that H and I discussed was that she didn't want people to cry. "It seems kinda stupid. Like, I appreciate they're upset about me through crying, but that sort of thing happens. You can be upset, but just don't make a huge scene out of it just for a show. be happy that I at least got some time to live my life and interact with people". This sparked a general question in my head; why do people cry when someone dies? I wonder if there is some sort of subconscious fear of death that is ignited when they are faced with the death of someone they knew well. Yes, the crying probably also has to do with the fact that a person will never interact with their dead loved one again (unless they believe in certain paths after life), but there is more to human emotion than meets the eye.
Another interesting thing that H and I discussed was that she didn't want people to cry. "It seems kinda stupid. Like, I appreciate they're upset about me through crying, but that sort of thing happens. You can be upset, but just don't make a huge scene out of it just for a show. be happy that I at least got some time to live my life and interact with people". This sparked a general question in my head; why do people cry when someone dies? I wonder if there is some sort of subconscious fear of death that is ignited when they are faced with the death of someone they knew well. Yes, the crying probably also has to do with the fact that a person will never interact with their dead loved one again (unless they believe in certain paths after life), but there is more to human emotion than meets the eye.
Hey Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm sure that the interviews were interesting at the time, I don't really feel like either you or I learned very much from them. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes the best texts are ones that don't tell you something new, but organize concepts you were already familiar with in ways that you were not able to before. I enjoy reading books that are set up like this because they help me flesh out my own thoughts.
Your paragraph on emotion was a good start in asking pertinent questions, the topic of emotion related to death is definitely worth writing about in a later paper/project. I think we are all subconsciously afraid of death, as you said. I think this is because biologically we are driven to avoid death throughout our lives; by eating, drinking, reproducing and so on. What good would your body be if it didn't strive to stave off death at every opportunity? If only my super was as vigilant with water leaks as the human body is with disease -__-
You mention that the general consensus seemed to be that people wanted to be cremated, even your friend who had a spot waiting for her in a family plot, preferring the “back to nature-y and freeing option”. I feel the same way, opting for cremation. That “freeing option” is coming to terms with the finality of life as we know it. They are one with nature, as opposed to the hope some people have via cryogenics, that there’s always that outside chance that somehow life can be prolonged or regenerated.
ReplyDeleteH didn’t want people to cry. You wondered whether there was some sort of subconscious fear of death. I don’t think it’s fear. I think and agree as you point out it is the idea that you will never interact with that person ever again.
Your final paragraph was very strong; I liked your inquiry on crying, something that seems obvious because we encounter it all the time yet I’ve never put much thought into why. A question that probably can’t be answered by us, but it still is important to ask those questions. Questions we may never find the answers to but appreciate that we don’t have an answer, rather than make up our own dumb answer or excuse and pretend we know something we definitely do not.
ReplyDeleteYour interviewees didn’t seem to help much besides developing that one strong inquiry you had. This might be for a number of reasons, one being those you interviewed like many don’t know too much on how they view death, another might be just that you have dull interviewees, but what do I know.
Another strong post,
john