HW 36 - Pregnancy & Birth Stories

Interview 1
My first interview was with a woman who asked me to keep her identity private. I began by asking her how pregnancy effected her physically. She started by talking about the different stages of pregnancy. Her first trimester was easy, and the pregnancy only got difficult in the last three months. "Physically it wasn't that bad in the beginning, as the pregnancy progressed, the baby began to press on my internal organs...especially my bladder". Her changing body size presented a few minor challenges; "It was really hard to find sophisticated/work maternity clothing, my shoe size went up half a size, and I couldn't see my feet". Another obstacle her pregnancy brought was finding comfortable positions i.e. sleeping.

Then our conversation moved into the area of labor/giving birth. "Giving birth was not particularly pleasant...The waiting was bad". She went into labor on a Saturday night and didn't give birth until Sunday evening. I asked her how she had prepared for birth during her pregnancy. She had taken Lamaze classes with her husband. "All the training goes out the window when the baby actually comes...it was hard to focus on Lamaze breathing and exercises during the actual process of giving birth. I don't remember the pain but I remember that it was painful".

Next, we discussed other people's reactions to her pregnancy. "At work we didn't really discuss my pregnancy. I wanted to keep things professional; people think that become you're pregnant, you're less efficient at what you do. I worked up until the day before I went into labor". I asked her if strangers were interested in her pregnancy. She couldn't recall any encounters but she did remember that she was offered a seat on the subway twice in her 9 month pregnancy, during which she took the subway twice a day.  

"I remember thinking I was vaguely embarassed when I first started showing" She had gone through one unsuccessful pregnancy so she waited about three months before she told people she was pregnant. One thing that embarrassed her was that when she would tell someone "I'm pregnant", in her mind it would translate to "I had sex".
We also went over why she had a child. She said it was mainly because her husband so desperately wanted kids. But because of the pain, and the postpartum depression she developed after giving birth, she hasn't had any more children. 

Interview 2: Dad 

For this interview, I talked to my dad. I started by asking him simply how my mother's pregnancy effected him. He said that it could be unnerving at times to think about the pregnancy, "It kept me on my toes. I became very aware of being concerned about her welfare, because it wasn't just about her it was about you too". 

I asked him how he and my mom prepared for the birth. "We put together a bag that we could take out at the last minute, because we didn't know when labor could start. We thought through multiple plans of action because we were concerned about taking above ground transportation during winter". They also made a list of all of the people they wanted to call when my mom went into labor so they wouldn't forget anyone. He made sure he brought a camera because he wanted to take pictures, but my mom insisted that there not be a video camera because she didn't want the birth on tape.

I asked him to describe the hospital experience. "When we arrived, and were admitted to the room, there was a nurse that I can best describe as 'completely incompetent'. She couldn't set up an IV drip; she kept jabbing your mother without hitting the vein properly. I sought out the head nurse and screamed at her that 'my wife is not a pin cushion, I want someone to do the job, and do it right'. There was enough pain and she didn't need this nonsense". Apparently the doctor was "mean-spirted"; he essentially threatened my mom while she was giving birth, "He threatened to give her a C-section if she didn't push harder, which was the last thing she wanted. But i think he had to act that way to get your mother to not prolong the process". 

During our discussion he also said that "The funniest part of the birth was the fact that your mother, the NEW nurse, and I were all watching the marathon, and the runner took the wrong road to the finish line, so all three of us started screaming "go back go back go back" and then we all realized, "oh yeah, we're having a baby".

The part of the entire experience which stuck with him most was when the doctor pulled me out and held me upside down. He turned to hand me over to the nurse and in the process put my face inches from my dad's. "You were just screaming. Your face was purplish. I counted your fingers and toes to make sure you were all there. Then they placed you under a heating lamp and your skin started to look normal...The moment when you and I came face to face is something that will stick with me forever; it's exciting unique and one of a kind, and it's mine".  

The most difficult question for him to answer was the why. I asked him why he wanted to have children. "I think my reason is a many reason people have children, and this is selfish, but they want someone who is a part of them to carry on; someone who is a unique being; a product of two other beings. Kids are fun. Kids let us be kids again, through them". 


Interview 3: Grandma
My grandmother was still working as an assistant principal when she became pregnant with her first child. She told me that she "was not prepared for being nauseated", and that sometimes she would have to run back to her office and wait for a long time before she could get back to working. I asked her how she prepared for the birth, "I was superstitious about buying anything for the coming baby in case anything bad happened. The only thing I picked out was a crib, but my mother was going to buy it for us". But, she did get lucky in the supply department because the "godparents owned a baby clothing store and brought everything" when the baby was born.
Next, I asked her about how other people effected her pregnancy. "People always want to touch the belly, and there's really no way to stop them". She also said that she didnt know too much about nutrition because she was relatively thin at the time, and the only piece of "nutritional" advice she was given was that "after birth, drinking beer makes more milk for the baby". 
My final question was "Why did you decide to have children?". She said, "none of the babies were planned... there was no real concious decision". And actually when the third baby came along, she felt that she wasn't prepared, and was thinking about having an abortion. This was because the first two children were only twenty months apart and she felt that she couldn't handle a third child. "But my mother came to help, so it was okay". 

Overall Reflection
The first interview interested me because I thought it was peculiar that she was essentially ashamed of being pregnant at the beginning. I've always considered to be a positive experience in a woman's life. I think that maybe because she didn't necessarily have a want for children, pressure was added for her to live up to other people's standards. The second interview was interesting because I've always wondered what a man thinks about pregnancy. I thought it interesting that a man was more interested in having children than a woman. I think that because the woman had such high working standards, she didn't want a baby to interfere with work. This brought up a question for me, "are babies more important than working?". I thought about this because as organisms, our goal in life is essentially reproduce, isn't it? But, overall the most interesting conversation was with my grandma. I thought that the birth myth she talked about was really funny, and I thought it would be interesting to further explore and compare myths from now and "way back when".

After having these three  conversations, I would like to explore the "myths" behind birth and pregnancy. (i.e. beer=more breast-milk). 

*All people interviewed gave permission for their identities to be revealed except for interview 1

HW 35 - Other Peoples' Perspectives 1

For this assignment, I interviewed my friends Sophia, Braxton, Hayley and Praxitelies (Prax). With each conversation I started with the question, "Do you ever want to have children of your own?"

Sophia, 16, said that depending on her financial/work situation, she would probably have children in the future. Her biggest fear though was of the responsibility that comes with being a parent. We talked a bit about her personal life; when she was younger (and still now) she used to worry about her younger brother. She felt as though it was her responsibility to keep him safe from getting hurt etc.

Braxton, 16, began with an absolute yes. He even went on to say that he knew that he wanted two boys so that they "can play with each other and I can teach them the ways of the world". I asked him if there were any other reasons as to why he wanted boys, "I'm a guy... and I know teenage girls go through some insane stuff. Also, what if my daughter turned out to be a ho!?!?! nope. not dealing with it". He also said that were he to have children, he would undoubtedly want to be married to the female giving birth to his children. So I asked him what he would do should a female become impregnated by him and they weren't married. He simply said that it wouldn't happen, and that he would prevent pregnancy by using condoms. I asked him what other types of birth control were options, and he said, "lots of other types of condoms". However he is very aware that there are other types of birth control, because I asked him if it was wrong for women to use birth control drugs and he said "not at all".

The longest conversation I had was with my friend Prax, ~18. Similarly to Sophia, he said that he would probably want children in the future but that any final decision would depend on his career path. He also said that he would want to be married to a woman who was having his children. So I asked him, "If you were to impregnate a girl without being married, how do you think you would realistically handle the situation?". He replied, "Realistically i would discuss the possibility of abortion though ultimately the choice would be the woman's, and if she truly felt that she wanted to keep the child I would be obligated to provide". He went on to say that he is vehemently pro-choice but if presented with the option for another family to adopt, he would be fine with it. My final question to him was who/what he thought influenced his ideas/values around birth the most. He said, "my family".

My Conversation with Hayley, 16, helped me notice a pattern. Hayley said that she would most likely want one or two children in the future and that she thought that giving birth is painful. I asked her how she would know and she said that just the thought of a baby coming out of her own body sounds scary. Hayley's mom has told her on numerous occasions that the pain of pregnancy is worth the "joy of motherhood". During our conversation, Hayley referred to giving birth as "popping them out". I asked her why she said that. This is her reply, "Sometimes i feel that women, for whatever reason, want to have a ton of kids. It's certainly their choice, I just feel that women have been submissive to men for so long that it shouldn't ALL be about having kids and being a Mom anymore. Women should pursue whatever they want to pursue, and not have to feel tied down because of family. if they want to pursue family, so be it. but I think women should have a choice. And the popping them out part is I guess a biproduct of my resentment, or at least inability to relate to women who choose to build a family over pursuing a career." I really wanted to keep talking to her but our conversation got cut short. 

The pattern that Hayley helped me to see is that the females seemed to take this assignment more seriously than the males. There are certain things that Prax and Braxton said that showed that they weren't taking my questions seriously. Braxton had some jokey responses to some of my questions like "What kind of birth control would you use?" "glow in the dark condoms!!". Prax, would incorporate birth to becoming a world dictator, "were i to become a word dictator i would sire a small dynasty", "My other children have been strategically planted on all continents including Antarctica", "[Adoption] fits nicely into my whole continent theory
of world domination via pregnancy", "[Someone who influenced my ideals would be] Ghengis khan...he did so much raping and pillaging that something like 20% of asia can trace the population back to him". Overall I think that the answers weren't very deep thought-wise, but that it was more my fault as the interviewer for not asking more thought provoking questions.

HW 34 - Some Initial Thoughts On Birth

The first words that come to mind when I hear the word birth are pain & drugs. I picture a woman going into labor and she begs for an epidural, but they tell her it's too late and the baby is coming. This scene that just played in my head is probably way off of what it's really like. I don't have much experience with birth, other than being born. I really don't have any memories relating to "birth". All I can think of when I'm racking my brain are the women on trains and buses who are offered seats because they're pregnant. Yes, I've offered my seat on numerous occasions...it probably is a habit I picked up from my parents when I used to travel around the city with them. They would almost always get up for a pregnant woman and if they didn't, someone else already offered their seat, or they simply couldn't figure out if the woman was pregnant or overweight. 

I've watched part of the film The Business of Being Born. I fell asleep part way through, but I watched enough to get a general idea of what the filmmakers were trying to say. They basically challenge hospital birth with the growing number of women who are choosing to give home-births. They point out that home-birth is cheaper and can be less dangerous than hospital birth. But I still wonder which is better. 

Questions I still have:

- When did birth get a price tag put on it? (How did the "industry" around hospital birth come around?)

- Are all women presented with options relating to the birth of their child when they become pregnant? 

- What validates someone as a good potential mother? (Are children given unfair beginnings   because of the choices their parents make?)

HW 33

Comments I made:
Sophia: 

I think that you definitely came away from this unit with some strong insight.
Your best part was applying what you had learned to your own understanding, "I came to the conclusion that when people think about the fact that they are going to die someday, they want to do more and live more". I think it showed great growth from the beginning of the unit where you would respond to the text much more personally than general.
For example I went back to your first Tuesdays With Morrie Homework, and I found this in your response, "I couldn't imagine waking up and reading the paper and drinking coffee like normal if I knew I was going to die". Your analysis has grown and I'm actually realizing that my Homework 32 may not have grown out of a superficial nature compared to my earlier homework assignments.

That was a LOT of praise right there, but there's that cliche saying, "there's always room for improvement". For this post, I felt that you could have gotten a little more personal with the reader of your blog. Bold titles and sectioning work is great for projects or thorough research. Because you had a lot to say, but few words to say it in, I feel as though the bold titles removed the reader from exactly what you were trying to say and gave TOO general of a summary.

Jasper:
You've definitely got a strong insight into the nightmares of illness and dying; whether they are personal or general. You definitely answered all of the key questions surrounding the unit. But, with that said, there is something you could change about this post, which is wordiness. This might sound a little funny seeing as you have only a paragraph, but within your paragraph there are just too many words.
For starters, you begin your post with, "I would say the most nightmarish aspect of our culture's practices around illness and dying would be to be denied care when you're dying". While the point is made that this is what your paragraph is going to be about, it is a run on sentence and looks a little crammed together. Personally, I would change it to be more along the lines of, "Throughout this unit I discovered many nightmarish aspects surrounding illness and dying. In my opinion, the worst aspect in our culture is denying care to those who are dying". This makes your paragraph a little longer and also makes your sentence a little clearer. Overall, you have a good understanding and that's the most important part of this assignment; to prove you have a deeper understanding of the dominant social practices surrounding illness and dying. 

Comments on my Blog:
Sophia:
I like how you focused on one particular aspect of illness and dying. I had always noticed that too - the way people seem to forget about someone's flaws when they're gone (I wrote my ten minute play about that topic last year). I liked the way you said it:

"It seems to me that when a loved one dies, their flaws die with them."

I notice this a lot when I'm around my father's side of my family. Him and his sisters will always talk about their parents, and joke about all the quirky things they did, but they won't say anything they didn't like about them. They don't even really talk about their personalities; it's as if they're afraid to touch they subject.

Another part I liked about your post was the next line:

"But what bothers me the most, is that they all wait until the person has passed to express their affection for them."

However, I thought you were going to go into more detail, but I guess it's okay that you didn't since this was supposed to be a pretty short post.

P.S. Also, this all seems to apply to Looking for Alaska.

Jasper:

Zoe (9th Grader): 
the comment that i found most interesting was 'when a loved one dies, their flaws die with them.'
when i read this it made me strangely think of Oscar Wilde and The Picture of Dorian Gray. it struck me as something that lord Henry might say. i am not saying that you are like lord Henry who is a horrid person. i am saying that your thought is very physiologically analytical if that makes any sense what so ever. 

Dad:
What I found most interesting was your comment


"But what bothers me the most, is that they all wait until the person has passed to express their affection for them."


That was something I came to grips with long before my father passed away. I realized that our western culture dictates it's acceptable for a male child to kiss his mother but not his father. I decided that I was going to break with western "tradition" and show my affection for him. At first I was a bit apprehensive, wondering how others around me might interpret my affection for another male. But, hey he's my father so why should I really care what other people might think. After awhile I didn't even give it a thought. It felt good. It felt natural. It made our relationship stronger. When he was gone I was so glad that I did.


As to what you might do to improve on this entry, I don't think we "...never once touch on their flaws". We simply appreciate the good things more than the flaws, so those memories tend to stay with us longer. 

 

HW 32 - Thoughts following illness & dying unit

What might you do or address differently as a result of what you've learned this unit, individually and with your family?

This unit was a little strange to me. Normally I'm bored in school because I find nothing I'm learning is applicable to my life. While the food unit was really important to me (and I did find it interesting), the illness and dying unit really caught my attention. I might not have shown it in class, and maybe my blog posts didn't thoroughly show my thought process, but I felt strangely excited by the different things I could explore. I've also noticed myself being more aware of what people say, whether I'm on the bus and I hear people talking about sick relatives or family members reminiscing about loved ones.

Normally my family frames dead relatives in a positive light. Now, it's more interesting for me to sit around and listen to them gush over one's accomplishments and never once touch on their flaws. It seems to me that when a loved one dies, their flaws die with them. But what bothers me the most, is that they all wait until the person has passed to express their affection for them. While everyone is laughing and telling pleasant stories, as morbid as this may sound to some people, I tend to think of the person's flaws. I think about the guilt and insults that they had thrust upon supposed loved ones; the same loved ones who sit and laugh and tell stories now. 

I'm not quite sure what to make of all this, but I do think this was a eye opening unit; definitely into the dominant discourse of illness and dying.

HW 32 - Comments 3

Comments I made:
Sophia:

I think that you chose an interesting topic to work off of. I really liked the question and response section, but when it came down to explaining them I was a bit disappointed. Not necessarily with your analysis, but with the way it was formatted. I kind of forgot previous answers and had to re read them a few times. I felt that you could have given some insight after each quote to keep the reader thinking.
Also, the Author of Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Fear of Death is Irvin Yalom, not Irving Yalon.

Jasper: 

I think you chose a very thought provoking subject, and had an extremely good "experimental" example with the old man, but I also felt that part of your post came out of nowhere.
While it was relevant to the topic, you go from "went bankrupt paying for their own medical care," to "I was with Kevin"... I understood what you were going to talk about because of your elevator speech from earlier, but if I had no idea what you had said in class, I would have been like "cool...he was with Kevin".
You have the ideas and the arguments, I think that maybe a little bit of organization is in need, overall, good job! 

Comments on my Blog:
Sophia:

My first impression of your post was that it was REALLY thorough (showed depth/insight). You explained every detail of your thinking, and what led you to your conclusion that people have tried to make the word die have less of a bad meaning.

Overall, I thought you were going to go further with it (for instance, asking people what they thought illness and dying meant), but the research you did was really interesting.
 

Zoe(9th Grader):

you have gone into so much depth with this!
i find it very interesting that the originally definition of ill was to be evil. in all this is very nice work 

 
Dad:

I thought your approach was well thought out. I think it's safe to say that the concept of death and dying is something we're all bound to examine every now and then. Hopefully one doesn't become obsessed with the concept. Not being the most religious of persons, I can see Epicurus' perspective as an healthy way to deal with what's inevitable.

It's interesting how you've examined the origins of words and the way they change their meaning over time. Kind of like children playing telephone, where each one whispers a message to the next and the final version is often quite different than what it started out to be.
 
Sarah M:

I really liked the research you did. It was very different from a lot of the things people did. My favorite line was "But the etymology of "die" shows that over time, humans have tried to make the idea of dying happier by "euphemistically" changing words. " Because it showed how humans in general try to soften the blow of harsh terms or events.  

Jasper:
I like your post because it was an original idea to go back to the first meanings of the words. I thought it was interesting how the word illness meant evil. I think you should have gone into why you think they had these definitions and how it connects a little more. 

Sarah T:
''The oldest definition was recorded around 1200 meaning, 'morally evil'"
When I read this it reminded me of how people used to think that if someone was sick that they were possessed by the devil or some evil spirits.   

HW 30 - Illness & Dying - Culminating Experiential Project- Lost in Translation

When reading Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death by Irvin D. Yalom, I was intrigued by the greek philosopher, Epicurus (341 BCE - 270 BCE). He believed that people should not fear death for death includes body and soul. What sparked me most though, was that these ideas have been passed on to modern times; how do we know that this is what Epicurus meant? I'm no expert on Greek language, nor philosophy, so I decided not to focus on Epicurus, but to focus on the change of words over time; Etymology. My resources were limited when doing this assignment, so I've resorted to using the Online Etymology Dictionary for the majority of my research. 

I started my research with the word, "illness". According to the site, it's origin is ill + -ness, from the 1680s. I already knew that -ness is "a native English suffix attached to adjectives and participles, forming abstract nouns denoting quality and state (and often, by extension, something exemplifying a quality or state)" (Dictionary.com). So I continued on to the page referring to "ill". The oldest definition was recorded around 1200 meaning, "morally evil". Then, around the 15th century, the modern (current) meaning "sick, unhealthy, unwell " was recorded. It's intriguing to me, how a definition can change over a few centuries.

Next, I looked up the second word of our unit, "dying". The earliest definition is from the 13th century, defined as "death". Dying is a verbal noun originating from the verb "die". To be quite honest, the beginning of the definition didn't make sense to me, "Mid-12c., possibly from O.Dan. døja or O.N. deyja 'to die, pass away,' both from P.Gmc. *dawjanan (cf. O.Fris. deja 'to kill,' O.S. doian, O.H.G. touwen, Goth. diwans 'mortal'), from PIE base *dheu- (3) 'to pass away, become senseless' (cf. O.Ir. dith 'end, death,' O.C.S. daviti, Rus. davit' 'to choke, suffer')". But the next section caught my eye, "Languages usually don't borrow words from abroad for central life experiences, but "die" words are an exception, since they are often hidden or changed euphemistically out of superstitious dread". 

The last line hung on to me; I wasn't expecting my research to directly relate back to any of the class readings, I was mistaken. "Religious leaders who, in an effort to increase their own power, increased the death anxiety of their followers by warning of the punishments that would be meted out after death to those who failed to heed particular rules and regulations" (Yalom, 80). In Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death, Yalom discusses religious leaders who convinced the followers of their religion to believe that death was negative. But the etymology of "die" shows that over time, humans have tried to make the idea of dying happier by "euphemistically" changing words. 

Overall, I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't go into more depth with this assignment, but what I have found is still important because it can still be explored. I could keep looking up words that have been changed due to "superstition" or religion. Or I could find out more about specific religions etc.

1) Irvin D., Yalom. Staring at the sun: overcoming the terror of death. Jossey-Bass Inc Pub, 2008. Print.  
2) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epicurus 
3) Dictionary.com Unabridged. Random House, Inc. 16 Jan. 2011. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/-ness>.
4) http://www.etymonline.com/